“Alice came to a fork in the road. 'Which road do I take?' she asked.
'Where do you want to go?' responded the Cheshire Cat.
'I don't know,' Alice answered.
'Then,' said the Cat, 'it doesn't matter.”
- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Sorting out one's life is never easy. As a child, my plan was to marry Bobby O'Neil, have a bucket full of kids, a white picket fence, and all the happiness that goes with it (rather, that is supposed to go with it). But you know what they say about the best laid plans. And happiness? Well, it's not something uniform. Happiness doesn't necessarily hang with us, even when we've dotted our i's and crossed our t's.
But that doesn't mean it's not attainable.
Sometimes the only way to have what we want in life is to get lost for a while. Getting lost is rarely intentional, yet the results are usually beneficial. We learn lessons. We don't have a GPS to navigate through life, so we search for clues of what's familiar, following tracks made by others, walking on cleared trails.
Alas, settling into the footsteps of others or walking a path matted by somebody else's boots serves no purpose. Yet we believe that if we successfully do what someone else does, our results will be the same. While that may be true for cookie cutter tasks, like hammering a nail into a wall, it doesn't serve us in the search for that which makes us whole. We need to sit, breathe, and have faith.
I haven't been able to do it. I've been running in circles, doing what I think is right for me, only to discover that I keep getting lost. Alone, I am never lost. But the moment that I try to connect with someone else, boom. I'm down the rabbit hole.
Moving forward, I am going to try and do my own navigating. I am going move in the direction of what feels like happiness. Keep posted.