The years between when I started this blog and today's post have been quite eventful. I spent most of those years living in an incredibly stressful state. In eight years, I dated three men, one worse than the next. I didn't value myself, so I didn't know that I was worthy of love. In fact, I didn't feel worthy of much. Because of that theme vibing in my life, I had high levels of anxiety, ate too much, drank too much, and was always feeling dramatic.
I went from being a certified personal trainer to spending most of my free time throwing back burgers and beer, laughing at the thought of the gym. In my mind, I'd been there, done that. I found people who were like me, who cheered me on by saying that we weren't getting any younger, may as well eat and drink whatever we want. Misery, my friends, does truly love company. What I found was that those years of throwing caution to the wind ended me up fat and unhappy, looking at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the face before me. My jeans kept sizing up, up, up.
I met my husband, the most wonderful man in the world, at a time when I was kinda finding my stride. I was on the upswing, in a way, but still unsure of how I wanted my life to be. I'd worked really hard at seeing myself for who I was and how I contributed to all that had happened in my life. I made choices that got me to the place I was at, and I had the power to fix them. I started running and doing yoga, I became more mindful about how I ate. I paid attention. I read a lot.
My husband was, and still is, my greatest supporter. He is always there for me, helping me stay focused and reminding me to love myself. But I do know that self-love is an inside job, and only I can make that happen.
|Self-love + puppy love = happiness|
About six months before we got married, my friend Kelly (who was studying to be a nutritionist), helped us with a food plan to help get our bodies wedding ready. It was a practical plan and it worked. We went back to the gym, to boot camp, yoga, and started running once again. It was a strong time in our lives. I lost about thirty pounds. Since then, I have gained back about ten pounds. It's not the worst thing, but it's not the direction I intended to go. I just couldn't figure out what to do. I had developed hallux rigidus which made yoga very difficult to do. Some days, even walking is painful. I remember going into a downward facing dog and out of nowhere came the most awful pain in my big toe. I had no idea what had even caused it. Brutal. Following that, I had some weird symptoms that lead to lots of doctor's visits, testing and bloodwork, and at the end of it all, an elevated RA Factor. They weren't sure if it was from my pre-existing Hashimoto's Disease or if it was something else (rheumatoid arthritis? fibromyalgia?). There is more, but I am already boring myself with the details, so I must get to the point...
Life is what you make it. At 47, I had two options: to decide that I'm just not getting any younger and just throw in the towel, or get my life back. I chose the second option. I changed the way that I ate, reprioritized my life, and started to turn towards healthy things and people. That was in January. As of now, I am down over 10 lbs., my stiff joints are less painful (and not stopping me), and I am focusing on the positive and finding new paths to health.
Today, taking a page from my husband's television world, I made a video of myself planking. (Okay, I made three but the first two stunk so three time's a charm! P.S. the first plank I did was 2 minutes long, I SWEAR). I did this video for accountability and honesty. Maybe if someone sees a real post-menopausal woman, curvy and struggling but giving it her best shot, they will be motivated to do it, too.
Don't laugh, but DO share positive vibes!