My Son Is Getting Buzzed

My ten year old has always had long hair. I can remember only one time that he got to what might be considered a typical boy haircut, three years ago, and he hated it. Oh, was he miserable. He couldn't wait for it to grow back.

Now, with hair past his shoulders, he tells me that he is going to shave it all off for kids with cancer.

Johnny, on Thanksgiving. Check out his long hair.

His school is raising money for kids with cancer, via St. Baldrick's. Kids shave their heads so that they know how it feels to have no hair, like many kids who undergo chemotherapy. They also raise money for St. Baldrick's, so it's a win-win. Last year when his school did this, my son opted to have a green streak put in his hair. But when it was announced this year, he decided to go the whole way.

He got in the car after school a couple weeks ago and said, "Mom, I'm gonna shave my head for St. Baldrick's." My reply was simple. "No, you're not." As a mother, I want to protect my son from disappointment and harm. Having never ever had real short hair, I can only imagine what kind of shock it will be for him to wake up with nothing more than a five o'clock shadow. I talked and talked to him, trying to get him to change his mind. Of course, I support the cause. I am just concerned about the fallout that might follow.

But his mind was made up.

I am so proud to share this information. In one week, at 3 p.m., my son is getting his head shaved bald. I will keep you posted, and share photos. I am amazed at his courage. He is trying to raise $1,000 and has raised $655 so far. If you wish to sponsor Johnny and St. Baldrick's, please click here. Every dollar helps. Of course, many thanks to those who have chosen to sponsor him already. He is very proud.

Throw the Baby Out With the Bath Water (please, please do)

Fat Tuesday was fairly uneventful for me. I had a meeting for work today, which was insightful and a good step for me professionally. Afterward, I picked my son up from school and took him for beignets at the Mountain Lakes Market. While I had planned on making my King Baby cake, the effort seemed pointless since my son didn't want to taste it, and there wasn't anyone else around to share it with. Who, pray tell, would get the baby? I like these little holidays (Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo), but having no one to celebrate them with kind of sucks.

I took my son to his dad's house to feed his dog and to let him out in the backyard (his dad and step mom were at a concert). While he visited the dog, I sat in my car writing recipes onto cards for my boyfriend's sister's bridal shower. Afterward, we went grocery shopping and got a bite to eat in town. Not much for celebrating Fat Tuesday, but we did laugh a lot, which was fun.

I had planned on making chocolate peanut butter balls during the time I'd allotted for baking the King cake, but was told that the dinner for which peanut butter balls are dessert might not be happening, so making them just in case  isn't really worth it. I would just end up eating all the balls (go ahead, laugh) and, after losing 7 lbs. (and counting), I won't dare tempt myself. Of all that I cannot control in my life, my body (fitness/nutrition at least) is the one thing that I can control.

There are other things that have happened in my life recently, causing me to become, I am ashamed to say, jaded. Things that make me wonder why I do the things that I do. If I am doing them for the sake of others, they've gone unappreciated. If I've done them for my own sake, which perhaps I have, well then the pay off just isn't there like it used to be. Doing nice things for others used to make me feel good. Some things, like baking for the women who work in the school's front office, still make me happy. Decorating the school's bulletin board, and having the kids come by asking what's up next, that's nice, too. However, when I go out of my way to do things that I think are really thoughtful and they go unnoticed, it's disheartening.

Growing up, my mom used to do themed dinners, complete with music and decorations. At some point, she gave up and gave in, but it must have been months before we noticed she'd thrown in the towel. Now, she rarely bakes or has parties, and I always thought that it was sad. But now I am starting to get it. While I wish that I didn't feel this way, you know, being the domestic goddess and all, I have to admit that I do. Both the 'domestic' and the 'goddess' parts have gone unappreciated for far too long, and frankly, I am starting not to care. I am sure that this stage will pass, at least I am hopeful that it will. Since I am so open about all of the positive up moments, I thought it only fair to be equally open about the moments that I feel defeated.

That there are times when throwing the baby out with the bath water isn't such a bad thing. It is a clean sweep for sure. Maybe some good goes "out" with the bad, but sometimes it's better to miss what you've given up rather than to wonder why you haven't let go.

Show and Tell Monday - On Tuesday

Give women the power to make a life for themselves. Watch this video, get a cool scarf, and help women (mothers, daughters) get off the street. It's less than four minutes long -- I know you can commit to a four minute video. Do it for your daughters...

http://livefashionable.com/our-commitment/

Tomorrow's blog will feature Vicki Cobane's Peanut Butter Ball recipe. The best ever!

Safe Place to Fall

Monogamy is a good thing. It is comforting and consistent, a shared routine that is created by two people. We create grooves and treads along our path, and ride through them over and over again. We know where to bend, and where to steer straight. Sometimes, though, after being in a relationship for a long time, we take our love and our partners for granted. While this isn't a good thing, it happens all too often. We forget to give TLC to our relationships, and before you know it, there is this strain that starts to give way under pressure, and then, CRACK. Things start to break apart.

I have been married and divorced, and I can say with confidence that have learned a lot. While I won't discuss what occurred in the privacy of my marriage, I will say that I know how easily things slip away. For us, it was for the best. My ex-husband is happily remarried; I am with a wonderful man, the person that I was born to be with. I believe this with my whole heart. After being with him for over four years, I am committed to keeping our relationship solid, and showing appreciation for all that we have together. He is, too, and that's why it works so well.

Life is busy. We are running errands, taking care of our kids, chauffeuring them to and from their after school activities. We have work, housekeeping, and meals to cook. It's easy to get lost in the shuffle. But if we do, we risk waking up and wondering who our better half actually is. If we choose to let go of the depth and communication that exists in our relationships, then we cannot expect to stay connected through the roller coaster of life. The empty nest syndrome might not come if we choose to value our relationships with our spouses/significant others, and tend to them consistently.

Think about your relationship. Do you make the choice to take good care of it, even when it isn't easy? I recently read a quote that said something to the effect of, the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because it gets watered. Relationships are not stagnant; they are growing and changing, and need to be cared for. The ways in which we do that vary from relationship to relationship, and are as unique as the individuals that are in them.

My relationship with my boyfriend is deeper and more complex than any relationship I have ever had. It's as complete, in my opinion, as any marriage could be. Valuing what we have, and committing to working through it all, is a comforting feeling. It feels like home.

The New Normal and A Big Thanks To K and M!

I've been getting all of your emails. I am sorry that I haven't written for the past few days. I've been trying to think about how I'd like to write what's on my mind. I want to be thankful and clear, without drawing attention to details that I'd rather not broadcast. Here goes...

Months ago, I was talking to a friend of mine, D, a mother of four boys. I was going through my vertigo, but hadn't yet been diagnosed with Meniere's. As I was explaining my symptoms, I was telling her how the doctors said it could go away in days, or perhaps months. Walking around dizzy is a scary feeling, and since I live alone with my son, it's me driving him to and from school, doing homework with him most nights, and managing the house. Being non-functional isn't really a viable option. D's son, she said, has just had a concussion and spent weeks at home. He was told not to do is homework, or anything that might cause his brain to work too hard. She said that things are always changing, our health, our kids, finances. Instead of getting down about it, she said, just look at it as the new normal.


The new normal keeps changing. I was out with my friends, M and K just last week. We were getting our nails done, and then going to lunch. I made the very rookie mistake of working out very hard early in the morning, and not eating enough food. I also didn't drink enough water, and since I am also taking diuretics for my Meinere's, I need to take in twice as much water as most people. After my workout, I had an hour long appointment, then met my friends for our afternoon out. About 30 minutes into our meeting, I got dizzy. Really dizzy. The room began to spin and just wouldn't stop. Laying down made it worse; so did closing my eyes. My sweet friends took me to the ER and stayed with me while the doctor did a neurological test, an EKG, and tested for low blood sugar and dehydration. My blood sugar was low, so they gave me fruit and juice to level it out a little bit. I hadn't eaten enough to compensate for the 700 calorie burn.

While we were between tests, my friends and I had a long conversation. I said, "I swear, I am not always  like this. It's weird, and it's stupid. I always think that I am so healthy." My friend M reminded me that as we get older, we have to redefine healthy. She and K both said that as we age (are we aging already? ugh, we are) we start to have pains we never had, and our body responds differently than it did when we were 20. K said she wakes up every morning and her back hurts. M said that yes, there is always some pain, somewhere.

They both kindly said things about their own personal experiences that made me feel much better about getting dramatically dizzy in the nail salon and needing a ride to the ER. K even needed to pull over when I thought I might vomit. I feel very lucky to know that these friends were there for me when I needed them. I am still fairly embarrassed about this incident, which is why it's taken me four days to write about it.

The point that I wanted to make, along with making a very public Thank You! to the girls, is that life isn't consistent. While we think things will continue along a certain way, hope that they will, that's not always the case. Our health may not always be perfect, though we do our best to care for our bodies. Things happen that are beyond our control; how we deal with it is ours to own.  I need lots of work on that end. But like my friend D said, it's just the new normal. That's how we have to look at it to stay sane. Life is a mixed bag, and as we ride the peaks and valleys, we will experience both joy and heartache. What matters is how we choose to experience it.

When All That's Left Is the Truth

In life, we have tons of social experiences, but only a few really close personal relationships. How we choose to deal with these experiences and to handle random situations really says a lot about who we are.

We can choose to be moral or act on impulse. We can be honest, or choose to lie. We can put the people that we love first, or we can live for right now and allow our most important relationships fall to the wayside. How we behave is our choice, and within our control. Last night's episode of Parenthood showed that theory from many different perspectives, in different types of relationships. And while I hope that you are watching the show, if you aren't please feel confident that I am using the storyline to illustrate some very basic, important points that apply to everyone. Stay with me here; I want you to read what I have to say in this blog post more than I've ever wanted you to read my blog before.

First, there is cheating. Crosby cheated on his fiance. Together they have a child. The moment he did this, he changed their family dynamic. Though he immediately realized the error of his ways, he has yet to be able to repair what he's done. He's detrimentally hurt his fiance, and now no longer lives with his son. What was most striking about his choice, though, was how it affected his sister's husband.

His sister, Julia, and her husband, Joel, bring their daughter to Crosby's fiance's (Jasmine's) house for babysitting. When they arrive, Jasmine starts to break down in tears, despite her attempts at holding back. As she cries, Julia sits down to comfort her, while Joel takes care of the kids. It is noted that he sees Jasmine's sadness. Later, and this is the part of the show that was most poignant (which is big), when Joel and Julia are back home, Joel sits down, gets eye to eye with Julia, and clearly tells her, "I will never cheat on you." He adds that they have been through so much, and will continue to go through so much in life, both good and bad, and he promises her that they will get through it together, again adding, "I will never cheat on you."

He's seen the damage it's caused, and he knows that he never wants to cause his wife that kind of hurt, regardless of the circumstances. It was the most moving scene in this episode. It shows love at it's finest hour.

This says a lot because watching Crosby deal with the ramifications of his actions, knowing how his one night stand has ruined his life, and his families lives, hits him hard. Yet he cannot turn back time. He tries to talk to his fiance, who wants nothing to do with anything that he has to say. He has to try and mend things, and to protect his son. He and his son have a moment on his house boat, where we see that he's finally gotten it and is willing to work for forgiveness, and it's a good, solid moment.

Finally, characters Christina and Adam have to explain to their son, Max, that he has Asperger's, that it is in the autism spectrum, and what having autism means. It's similar to the incident in the movie Parenthood, where the parents get called into school to hear that their son has emotional issues. As parents, we never expect our children to have problems. It's always going to be someone else's kid. When it's our child, we have to deal with our own emotions and feelings, while also thinking about how what we say and do is effecting our child.

We see the disappointment in Max when he learns that he is different, and that he will always have Asperger's. We see his parents, who are torn up about explaining this to Max, their marriage getting pushed and pulled around as they try to negotiate how to best follow-up with Max after their initial conversation. The episode ends with Christina reading Max to sleep, and her husband cozying up beside her, resting his head against her, comforted.

In both the marriages, we see the strength that exists in real, honest love. With the struggles, the problems, and all the stresses, they manage to sift through it all and find each other, time and time again. They open themselves up to vulnerability, and become each other's soft place to fall. They commit to each other every step of the way, in a loving, trusting way. They don't try to hurt each other or win arguments, but instead strive to protect their relationship.

As I write this, I am thinking about the ways in which I can be a better mother to my son, and a better partner to my boyfriend. I am thinking about what it means to love someone, and how I express my love. Mostly, I am thankful for the family that I have, and the love that exists within it. I will commit to working to protect that with every ounce of my being.

To Take the Cake, Bake the Baby

(Tonight is Parenthood Tuesday. I can't wait.)


I am itching to make my very first King Cake. I was recently at the party supply store and noticed Mardi Gras ornaments for sale, and it got me thinking about King Cake. I've never tasted it, or even been anywhere that it was served. I read about it for the first time a year or two ago, and also saw it on display at my local grocery store, King's (oddly enough). I read a bit about the history (click here), and retained this: it's got something to do with the time between Christmas and Mardi Gras, or maybe twelfth night, and something regarding the three kings. It's often decorated with the colors of Mardi Gras: purple, yellow, and green. And often, a baby representing the baby Jesus is baked (hidden) into the cake, otherwise, they use a bean or a pecan. The person who gets him in their piece has a year of good luck, and is responsible for baking the cake the following year.


"There are as many King Cake recipes as their are bakers," wrote one of the bakers who reviewed a King Cake recipe on foodtv.com. Now I am a baker, for sure, but the King Cake recipes make me nervous. They all require making your own dough with yeast, and then kneading or rolling out the dough. I just don't know.


I want to try and make the King Cake. I've even found the plastic baby to put inside, but can I really make this dough? All that work, is it worth it? Is the King Cake really that good? If it is, then I am happy to try and make it. I love a good recipe from scratch, but if it's just eh, well then it'd serve me just as well to make it Sandra Lee's way.


I can't believe I just said that. Sandra Lee. The throw-it-together-and-call-it-handmade celebrity chef (and girlfriend of Governor Cuomo) Sandra Lee. Making a Sandra Lee recipe is like popping some slice and bake cookies in the oven and then saying you baked them. Um, no. You didn't. You stuck them in the oven. That sort of faux baking horrifies me, but with this recipe I am tempted.


Emeril Lagasse should be my go to guy, I mean he did write the book, Emeril's New New Orlean's Cooking. But his recipe is hard. Like, hard hard. Do you have a recipe you are willing to share with me?


The more I think about it, the more I realize that I just can't make that Sandra Lee recipe. It's cheap, and it's cheating. I have to keep looking. Something deep inside me will not let me cheat on this one. If I'm going to make a King Cake, just because, and for the very first time, I should actually make the damn cake.  I've just found an easier Emeril recipe for King Cake, listed just below the super hard one on the Food Network website. It looks like it's worth a try. It's made mostly in the mixer with the dough hook attachment, which seems like a good thing. I thought it would be more like a cinnamon bun, but this seems to be the right recipe. I mean, Emeril would know, and the reviews are spectacular. I am adding 2 t cinnamon -- stole that from another recipe -- to sprinkle on the dough just before shaping it into a ring, and swapping the cream cheese (blech!) for mascarpone. W likes cinnamon rolls so these changes will make the recipe taste more like them. I will be making mine the day before Fat Tuesday, which falls on March 8th this year. I've posted the recipe for you, with my modifications noted with a DG, below. 


Oh, and just because I've found this doesn't mean I'm stopping here. Please send me your favorite King Cake recipe, and I will be sure and blog about it for you. 

Ingredients

• 2 packages dry active yeast
• 1/2 cup sugar
• 8 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
• 5 egg yolks
• 1 cup warm milk (110 degrees F)
• 4 to 5 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons salt
• 1 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 2 t cinnamon (my addition, DG)
• 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
• Vegetable oil
• 8 ounces cream cheese (I will use mascarpone, DG)
• 2 1/2 cups powdered sugar
• Juice of one lemon
• 2 tablespoons milk
• Purple, green and gold sugar sprinkles
• Plastic baby toy

Directions

      Preheat the oven 350 degrees F. 

Combine the yeast, sugar, butter, and egg yolks in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a dough hook. Add the milk. With the mixer on low speed, beat the mixture for about 4 minutes to dissolve the yeast. If the yeast mixture doesn't begin to foam after a few minutes, it means it's not active and will have to be replaced. In a separate large mixing bowl, combine the flour, salt, nutmeg, and lemon zest. Add this mixture to the yeast mixture. Mix on low speed until it lightly comes together, then increase the speed to medium and beat until the mixture pulls away from the sides of the bowl, forms a ball, and climbs slightly up the dough hook. 

Remove the dough from the bowl. Coat the dough with vegetable oil. Return the dough to the bowl and turn it to oil all sides. Cover the bowl with plastic wrap, set in a warm, draft-free place, and let rise until doubled in size, about 2 hours. 

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine the cream cheese (I will use mascarpone. DG)cream cheese filling across the center of the dough. Bring the two long edges together and seal all sides completely. 

Using your hands shape the dough into a long cylinder and place on a greased baking sheet, seam side down. Sprinkle dough with 2 t cinnamon. DG Shape the dough into a ring. Place a well-greased 2 pound coffee can or shortening can in the center of the ring to maintain the shape during baking. Press the plastic baby toy into the ring from the bottom so that it is completely hidden by the dough. Cover the ring with a towel and place in a warm, draft free place. Let the dough rise for about 45 minutes or until the dough doubles in size. With a sharp knife, make several slits around the top of the ring. Place in the oven and bake for 30 minutes, or until golden brown. After baking remove the coffee can immediately. Allow the cake to cool. Drizzle the cake with the sugar glaze. Sprinkle the cake with sprinkles, alternating colors. Cut the cake into individual pieces and serve.