Fat Tuesday was fairly uneventful for me. I had a meeting for work today, which was insightful and a good step for me professionally. Afterward, I picked my son up from school and took him for beignets at the Mountain Lakes Market. While I had planned on making my King Baby cake, the effort seemed pointless since my son didn't want to taste it, and there wasn't anyone else around to share it with. Who, pray tell, would get the baby? I like these little holidays (Mardi Gras, Cinco de Mayo), but having no one to celebrate them with kind of sucks.
I took my son to his dad's house to feed his dog and to let him out in the backyard (his dad and step mom were at a concert). While he visited the dog, I sat in my car writing recipes onto cards for my boyfriend's sister's bridal shower. Afterward, we went grocery shopping and got a bite to eat in town. Not much for celebrating Fat Tuesday, but we did laugh a lot, which was fun.
I had planned on making chocolate peanut butter balls during the time I'd allotted for baking the King cake, but was told that the dinner for which peanut butter balls are dessert might not be happening, so making them just in case isn't really worth it. I would just end up eating all the balls (go ahead, laugh) and, after losing 7 lbs. (and counting), I won't dare tempt myself. Of all that I cannot control in my life, my body (fitness/nutrition at least) is the one thing that I can control.
There are other things that have happened in my life recently, causing me to become, I am ashamed to say, jaded. Things that make me wonder why I do the things that I do. If I am doing them for the sake of others, they've gone unappreciated. If I've done them for my own sake, which perhaps I have, well then the pay off just isn't there like it used to be. Doing nice things for others used to make me feel good. Some things, like baking for the women who work in the school's front office, still make me happy. Decorating the school's bulletin board, and having the kids come by asking what's up next, that's nice, too. However, when I go out of my way to do things that I think are really thoughtful and they go unnoticed, it's disheartening.
Growing up, my mom used to do themed dinners, complete with music and decorations. At some point, she gave up and gave in, but it must have been months before we noticed she'd thrown in the towel. Now, she rarely bakes or has parties, and I always thought that it was sad. But now I am starting to get it. While I wish that I didn't feel this way, you know, being the domestic goddess and all, I have to admit that I do. Both the 'domestic' and the 'goddess' parts have gone unappreciated for far too long, and frankly, I am starting not to care. I am sure that this stage will pass, at least I am hopeful that it will. Since I am so open about all of the positive up moments, I thought it only fair to be equally open about the moments that I feel defeated.
That there are times when throwing the baby out with the bath water isn't such a bad thing. It is a clean sweep for sure. Maybe some good goes "out" with the bad, but sometimes it's better to miss what you've given up rather than to wonder why you haven't let go.