I am heading out to the dentist, momentarily. I will be having my surgery checked to make sure that my gums are healing as expected. My driveway that was full of snow has, thankfully, been shoveled, but the shock of snow still remains. Afterward, I will head to the gym (I've lost 8.5 lbs in six weeks!) and then come home to shower. All the while, I will be thinking about the women I've spoken with lately, all of whom say the same thing. They never see their husbands.
They seem to be finding that their schedules are keeping them away from their families and their husbands. I wonder, is this happening across the board, or am I just meeting people who are living with these circumstances? Is the hustle worth the separation, worth the distance that it creates? I cannot relate mostly because I don't live with my boyfriend so our circumstances are very different. I see him a couple days a week for dinner, one overnight on the weekend. I don't expect to see him that much. But if I were living with my husband, I'd hope to see him often.
People are losing their homes, and the economy has been raking us all over the coals. I understand why we all need to hustle. But there has to be a better solution. Too many people are splitting up at an alarming rate. We have to value our relationships.
Today my son had a delayed opening, and I happened to catch Ian Kerner (super god to women) with a woman (perhaps a co-writer, or maybe his wife) talking about how to keep marriages alive. I only caught the tail end. They talked about how it's important to keep ourselves looking good, for women to keep up with shaving and dressing nice, and for men to do the same. Either person giving up, getting slovenly, won't help the cause.
But if we never see each other, does it really matter?
I don't know the answer to these questions, but I know that I have to ask them. What are your personal feelings on this? Of course, you can message me privately, but I would love to see you comment here for other people to read. Feel free to keep your comments Anonymous (it's an option).
BIG KT is ruining the surprise.. but expect a little something from MY Favorite Things list in the mail from Amazon.com :) It's just an alternative reference tool for when I ponder such things as you describe above..
ReplyDeleteBig KT, you are THE BEST! Can't wait to read it. And BTW, I miss you!
ReplyDeleteOh, and BIG KT, we need to have coffee or something very soon. Let me know your schedule.
ReplyDeleteAwesome on the weight loss :o)
ReplyDeleteI lost 9 lbs myself in the past month. Been walking my butt off, well until this snow returned. Hopefully the Spring sun will shine again asap!
I totally understand the stresses of this bad economy and how it can throw a couple's life into a whirlwind. My husband and I always make sure we find the time for one another despite what else is going on. Actually as I job hunt I am avoiding the NYC commute just for that same reason. I do not want it to cut into our couple time which that awful commute would most certainly do! There are so many more job opportunities in the city and the pay is def higher but I will keep searching here in No Jersey as close as I can to our home. I just don't want to sacrifice our couple time at all. My search may take longer but hopefully it will pay off in the end!
FYI... anyone whom reads this fantastic blog, I have 12+ years experience as an office manager/executive assistant, any leads would be appreciated!
Its hard. My husband and I have lost each other. We pass each other on our way out before work, and he gets home later than I do, so we rarly have dinner together. We dont have kids so its like we dont have a reason to stay together. Ive been looking on dating sites to see whats out there, and Im thinking about getting divroced. He doesnt make time for me so I am not gonna make time for him. The girl above is smart. Keep making time for your hubby, because once you stop putting each other first, everything just crumbles. Its sad but its also true. I didnt want to give up but he doesnt want to devote more time to us, so I cant stay in this marriage I dont think. Id rather be looking for a new job than a new husband.
ReplyDeleteTray! Such great news! I love that you guys are still so lovey after all of these years.
ReplyDeleteAnd love your job call. I hope someone sees it. Anyone would be lucky to have you manage their office!
And congrats on the 9 lbs! Call me if you ever want to walk the Blvd.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have been together for 10 years. It is the second marriage for both of us and we both have kids that are now teenagers. It isn't always easy and we had plenty of ups and downs but the bottom line is we have a deep loving bond. We love to be together and the simple things like cooking dinner together or reading next to each other is meaningful. We have Tuesday date nights and on the occasion where we do not have any kids around we have very intimate alone time, which is nice. When we are near each other we are always touching or holding hands, which I think is good for the soul. We send each other some kind of love text most days, which keeps each other in our thoughts. He brings me flowers and rubs my feet, I make his lunch for work and make his favorite cookies. It just kind of happened over time. Don't get me wrong, issues do arise. But, over the years we have found better ways to deal with things and communicate better. I think we both have a strong desire to work things out. The early years were sometimes very hard, especially combining two households into one. I look back now at all we have been through and I think it made us stronger as a couple. On that note, we are very much a couple. Maybe it is because we came together as a couple first and evolved into a blended family. Hopefully we can keep the spark and love alive though the good times and bad as we make our way through life.
ReplyDeleteI had a boyfriend for five years whom I did not live with. We each had one child and only saw each other once or twice a week and usually one night on the weekend. We had a great relationship and I loved him dearly. But, it came to the point where I wanted more. I can remember the pain and empty feeling that would come over me as I drove back to my house on Sundays to start my weekly routine. Our "schedule" suited him just fine, which quite frankly, hurt my feelings. He had the best of both worlds in his mind. He was committed to me and I know he loved me, but he was unwilling to take the next step. After lots of very difficult soul searching that involved MY wants and needs, I had to let him go.
ReplyDeleteRelationships do take constant love, caring, honesty, and time and I am happy to work at mine. My husband and I just celebrated our 9th wedding anni but we have been together for 17 years. We have been through so many life experiences, both positive and negative, over that time but we have endured them all together and each one of those moments has made our love and bond even stronger. I feel very blessed to have him to share my love and life with. Always make time for your loved ones!!!
ReplyDeleteI think working on the relationship and working on yourself is always necessary- whether it's making sure you spend time together, or making sure that time is quality time that satisfies you both. I seem to have it easy in some ways, without kids or a bunch of time requirements, but even still it takes a little extra time and thought.
ReplyDeleteI hope things look up for you soon.
I also wanted to write in response to your comment on my blog- the monthly agendas are up on my etsy shop now
(sothere.etsy.com) let me know if you want a custom combo.
@alisonml I totally agree. Self-reflection and growth is always important.
ReplyDeleteOh, and @alisonml, gonna order a flip over book tonight. LOVE THEM!
ReplyDelete